I’m having a conversation with my girlfriend about how incompatible our sex drives are. I want sex frequently, because I have a very active sex drive. She never wants to have sex. I’ve brought this up more than a few times, mentioning it and trying to seek some input from her about it.
In her opinion, the fact that I frequently express interest in having sex with her is (and I’m directly quoting from a text message) “disgusting” and “rude”. I don’t think I was being rude. I feel like I was pretty straightforward and honest. The message I sent regarding my desire for sex went like this… it’s a bit out-of-context, but the content is there:
“Idk. Come home. Sleep with me. Cuddle. Shower.”
To which she responded:
“Sleep with you or have sex with you?”
Me: “Both. I kinda want you.”
Me: “Never mind, then.”
Her: “Can’t we just cuddle?”
Her: “Why not?”
Me: “Because I can’t think about much but sex right now. Stressed.” “Sorry for being honest.”
Her: “Whatever” “That’s all you ever think about.”
Me: “Not true. But you know I do have a very active sex drive… even more so when under stress.”
Her: “Right. Sure. Whatever”
Me: “Never mind. I don’t know why I bother. You aren’t able to even slightly satisfy my sex drive. I’ll stop bothering you.”
Her: “Geez thanks”
Me: “It’s the truth. Your attitude towards sex is always “sigh, whatever”. My desire for a fulfilling sex life is incompatible with yours.”
Her: “That’s because that’s all you ever ask for. Nothing I do with you is just that. You’ll always fuck everything up by demanding sex in some shape, way, or form. It’s really disgusting and… what’s the word <friend> and <friend> used… um… RUDE.”
Me: ” Yesterday, I bought you lunch and had a conversation with you about what’s coming up in the future. The night before, I just lay there with you and cuddled while you drew a picture. I don’t always ask for sex. I do ask often because more often than not the answer is always no. I STILL HAVE A SEX DRIVE, even if you choose to ignore it. Physical intimacy is an important way to relieve relationship-based stress. If your friends think that, then fuck them.”
Her: “You’re making me that way. That particular attitude is what’s making me not want to have sex AT ALL. It disgusts me.”
Me: “The fact that I have a sex drive is disgusting? THAT is rude. How dare you judge me.”
Her: “HAHAHA you are so fucking ready to find something to TWIST and SHOVE down my throat, aren’t you? How fucking MATURE of you. You fucking… nevermind. Forget it.
Me: “I didn’t twist or shove anything. I’m trying to point out to you that our sex drives are not compatible, and this is beginning to cause problems for me.”
Her: “YES YOU DO. ALL THE TIME. I noticed how good you are at it a long time ago but kept it to myself and made a mental note to not fall for your shit and your way with words.”
Me: “I’m not going to ask you for sex anymore.”
Please… can I get some input? Please tell me if I’m doing something wrong here. I’m doing my best to logically point out to my girlfriend that there’s an issue, but there’s obviously something terribly wrong with this situation. If it’s something I’m doing, I want to fix it. From my point-of-view, I don’t think it’s fair to me to be in this (monogamous) relationship if my physical and emotional sexual needs are treated like this by her. Any advice on what I can do? Any help and input is appreciated. If you feel like I’m being a complete douche and that I deserve every bit of this, then please tell me.
TL; DR: I need some advice about my sex life from anyone willing to listen. Please help.